Christo

Taylor Swift.

2012-01-31T14:20:00.001+11:00

With celebrity interviews, in most cases you're told the artist will be on the phone/in the studio at this certain time and that's it. There's no other requests whatsoever.

However, when you get the chance to interview one of the biggest singers in the world at the moment, the record label throws down a few rules for the chat.

In the case of Taylor Swift, it was a strict, "Keep to talk about music and touring, no questions about her relationships or the incident involving Kanye."

We had to throw out half of our questions... lol.

Anna Faris.

2012-01-31T14:10:00.003+11:00

Anna Faris is one of my favourite comedy actresses and she didn't disappoint during our chat when she was in Australia to promote the film What's My Number?

Above is a clip of a segment we used to do called the Mad Minute and below is the full audio of our chat.

Kelly Clarkson.

2012-01-30T14:50:00.000+11:00

Simon Pegg.

2012-01-14T00:01:00.001+11:00

I kind of nerded out during our chat with Simon Pegg, writer and star of Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz and Paul.

One of the greatest moments occurred when, just prior to the interview, he looked at me and said, "We've chatted before haven't we?"

Emitting a little fanboy giggle I replied, "Yes."

Post interview, Katie burst my bubble explaining, "He was probably just being polite and says that to everyone," but I don't care.

He remembered me!

Robin Williams.

2012-01-13T23:43:00.001+11:00

Getting the chance to sit opposite Robin Williams was truly a highlight of my career and he most certainly didn't disappoint!

Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek.

2012-01-08T12:31:00.001+11:00

Two of the world's sexist human beings got the chance to interview Antonio Bandares and Salma Hayek (lol... obviously).

If you ever want to feel less sexy, sit opposite these two.

We were their last chat in a long line of non-stop interviews and entered the room to find them both slumped and laying down in their chairs cracking up laughing.

They were both hilarious to chat too and surprisingly down-to-earth for their superstar statuses.

Flo Rida.

2012-01-08T12:27:00.003+11:00

Flo Rida is a tree of a man.

Here sits a guy who spends his life partying around the world and when he's not doing that, he's rapping about partying around the world.

However, we were both shocked to find a quiet, softly spoken guy sitting in front of us who just wants to produce good music (to party to).

Following this chat, he went M.I.A. and failed to show up for his gigs before heading home (hope it wasn't something we said!!).

Kendra Baskett.

2012-01-08T12:21:00.000+11:00

I made many of my male friends jealous when I smugly informed them that I would be conducting a face-to-face interview with former Playboy Playmate and Girl Next Door, Kendra Baskett (née Wilkinson)

This was such a surprising chat as the fun, bubbly ex-girlfriend of Hugh Hefner is actually a savvy business woman whose blonde bombshell image is strictly for the cameras.

Jeannie Mai.

2012-01-08T12:14:00.001+11:00

Sometimes in my job, you get asked to interview someone you're unfamiliar with and have a limited expectation about what you're going to get from them.

I have to confess that I hadn't really heard of Jeannie Mai from reality show How Do I Look? before she walked through our studio door, but after our chat, I am a dedicated fan!

It's so refreshing to have an interview with someone where nothing is off limits and they're totally willing to have some fun.

Airport Key Panic.

2011-08-28T17:29:00.000+10:00

So, my wife is off to the Gold Coast for a week to hang with her family and I did the husbandly duty of dropping her and the kid off at the airport on Sunday morning.

We checked her and bub in, walked through the security gates (where I got accused of cutting in... I didn't, it was just poorly set up. Being early on a Sunday morning, I let the accuser know they were in the wrong!).

Off comes the belt and jacket, I popped my phone, keys and wallet in Sarah's handbag as I couldn't reach a tray and after being hollered at for allegedly jumping the queue, I wasn't about to ask Captain Happypants to pass me a stowage device.

Trekking down the escalators while balancing a baby and putting my belt back on, we considered indulging in a McDonald's breakfast (normally, this is a not negotiable), thought about a Krispy Kreme (isn't it an airport tradition?) and made our way to Gate 31.

Despite my initial shock of no-one offering to let Sarah in the line as she was carrying a small child, my lovely ladies boarded the on-time 10:40am flight bound for the G.C.

I waved goodbye, turned around and headed back to the car (making a quick pit stop to perform nature's duty along the way as you never know how long you'll be stuck in Sydney traffic for). Just as I approached the ticket payment machine, I realised why most people do the patented dump-and-run at airports. The first half hour was $7, but the additional 3 minutes I spent going for a wee cost me $8!!!

It's the most expensive toilet stop I've ever made!

As I walked toward the car I was fuming that I had just cost myself extra coin for having the bladder of a 10 month old (I know it's not a lot, it's just the point that made me angry),

I then reached into my pocket to pull out my car keys to press the dohickey to turn off the alarm... nothing.

I quickly checked every pocket, looked at the ground around me in case they'd fallen out... nothing.

Then it hit me. Sarah had them in her handbag, on board the plane about to take off.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit shit!!" I thought to myself. "Fuck!" I said out loud (I don't know why I toned it down in my head).

My first thought was my best friend Luke. Maybe he can come and get me and we'll sort it out. Problem is, Luke has a car, but it hasn't been started in 18 months and is out of rego and insurance.

Second thought, Katie, my co-host on the radio. Problem is, it's Sunday morning and there's a chance (a big one) that she's still asleep and recovering from her Saturday night and she doesn't always answer her phone.

There was only one option, but I had to act fast. I ran like the clappers back into the terminal, up to the Virgin Australia help desk and, with limited breath, blurted out, "Wife, 10:40 flight.... has keys."

"I'm sorry sir, I can't understand what you're saying," was the polite response.

Taking a deep breath I said, "My wife (breathe), is on the 10:40 flight to the Gold Coast (breath) and she has the keys to my entire life (breath). Keys to my car and house. Can you please help me?"

Before I finished the sentence, one of the staff was already on the phone to the gate and had organised for someone to run down to the flight, that was fully-boarded and ready for take-off, to grab my keys off Sarah.

I was told that the plane was literally one minute out from pulling away from the gate. It was an amazing amount of luck.

Had I missed it, I would have had to leave my car in the spot being charged on a half hour basis until Sarah could post the keys back, catch a cab home and get a locksmith to come and change the locks on my house so I could get in. It would have cost me hundreds.

It was a close call and one that will ensure I know where my keys are at all times (I may even buy one of those whistly devices so I can keep track of them).

Actually, let's be honest, I probably won't learn from the error at all!

Vodafail (again).

2011-04-24T23:58:00.000+10:00

Vodafone has recently become Vodafail in the eyes of many of its customers.

During yet another outage on Sunday 24th April, someone at Vodafone must have been flustered when writing this message on the company's official website...

It reads:
"Users may have of experience ddifficulties in sending SMS."

Unicorns.

2011-04-24T12:14:00.000+10:00

Unicorns have been sent to destroy us all and here's proof.

(They're still cute though.)

Genius Bedtime Book.

2011-04-24T11:36:00.000+10:00

Having an almost 6 month old baby, I can totally relate to this book!

It's described as a "bedtime book for parents who live in the real world."

Here's an excerpt:

"The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear
Please go the fuck to sleep."

Genius.

Talent.

2011-04-19T14:29:00.000+10:00

Some people have so much talent that it hurts.

His name is Kevin KO Olusola. The song is his arrangement of Julie-O by Mark Summer.

Awesome.

If Only...

2011-04-17T07:45:00.000+10:00

I feel like I'm the only person alive who really doesn't give two sh*ts about the royal wedding.

However, if I was assured that Prince William and Kate Middleton would strut down the aisle to East 17 then I would totally watch.

(PS. How good is House of Love!!??)

WHOLLY SH*T!

2011-04-06T07:42:00.000+10:00

This video is just amazing.

Wendy Cobb was driving behind an erratic truck when she whipped out her phone to start recording what was going on.

What she captured was something that almost killed her.

“I was videoing a commercial truck driving aggressively, I got much more than I bargained for," she told The Daily What. This is just like one of the commercials for a Final Destination movie. Pay attention at the 30 second mark. No- it wasn’t an April Fools joke, it really happened, and I was fine.”

WOW!

NZ Lotto Ad.

2011-03-29T20:28:00.000+11:00

I'm a big fan of something that has a little twist in the tale, which is why I love this
commercial that came on while I was indulging in a little box watching in New Zealand (which mainly comprises of Australian programming, but about a season behind).

It's one of the best commercials I've seen in a long time and was produced by DDB NZ.

BTW, surely there has to be a market for decent Kiwi shows (besides Shortland Street, Outrageous Fortune and Bro Town)?

5:45 In Kesennuma.

2011-03-28T21:26:00.003+11:00

This is what 5 minutes and 45 seconds worth of tsunami did to the Japanese town of Kesennuma.

Even now, it's still surreal.

Little Knut.

2011-03-24T12:26:00.000+11:00

The much loved Knut the polar bear died over the weekend at his home in the Berlin Zoological Garden.

He was 4.

Sad.

But for NBC to just insult him like that is just disgraceful.

lol.

Royal Wedding Merch.

2011-03-23T21:34:00.000+11:00

Is royal wedding merch considered a collectible item anymore?

The Charles and Di commemorative plates might fetch a pretty penny if it's been maintained in mint condition, but in this day and age of mass production and consumption, I can't imagine there would be any Wills and Kate wedding merchandise that would be worth anything in 15-20 years time.

EXCEPT IF IT WAS A FRIDGE!!

“As expected, the royal wedding has really captured the U.K.’s imagination and it was no surprise that a William and Kate commemorative fridge was a popular choice," said David Garden, Commercial Director for GE at GDHA.

“It certainly wipes the floor with your usual commemorative tea towels and mugs and is most definitely one of the most novel royal wedding products we have seen," he added.

Babooshka.

2011-03-23T20:33:00.000+11:00

I find it amazing how a song, that you haven't heard for ages, can just randomly pop into your head for no apparent reason.

This is that song for me today.

It's Friiiiidaaay, Friiiiidaaay....

2011-03-21T07:48:00.001+11:00

Rebecca Black has become nothing short of an internet phenomenon for her (s)hit song Friday.

From Know Your Meme:

The video clip was originally posted on YouTube in mid-February 2011. The music video gained notoriety during the second weekend in March, when the popular blog The Daily What posted the video on March 11th, 2011. From there, it was subsequently reblogged and shared on Tumblr, Twitter and various discussion forums. By March 15, the video had reached over 3 million views, by March 17, 10 million, with the single reaching the top 100 on iTunes.

As of today (21.03.11), the clip is sitting on 26.8 million plays on YouTube!!

There are many remixes on the web, this is my favourite.

Gunfight At The Gas Station.

2011-03-20T19:39:00.000+11:00

Kamil Alakabi, from Nashville, Tennessee, was working his job as a petrol station attendant when two armed men strutted in trying to steal a bunch of stuff.

They messed with the wrong guy.

Little did they know that Alakabi served in the Iraqi army before emigrating to the United States and he too was armed.

This CCTV footage shows Alakabi jumping the thieves and pulling a pistol on them before a brief gunfight between the two sides breaks out.

The two armed bandits escaped, more than likely with a full pant in tow.

Elephant Babies.

2011-03-20T16:30:00.000+11:00

Since my daughter Lila was born 4 months ago, there's been the Queensland floods, Cyclone Yasi, the Christchurch earthquake, Egypt uprising, Japan earthquake/tsunami and now Libya's current crisis.

In the wake of this global turmoil, it's refreshing to find something on the net that makes me smile.

I thought it would be selfish of me not to share...

Tsunami Sliding Door.

2011-03-20T08:52:00.001+11:00

A Japanese film crew were in a taxi just as the tsunami hit the coastline and made a snap decision to get out and run for it.

This was their total sliding doors moment.

Woon.

2011-03-17T17:52:00.000+11:00

I love discovering an artist who's on the precipice of cracking the big time and my money is on British newcomer Jamie Woon.

Recently placing fourth on the BBC's Sound of 2011 poll, I've searched YouTube and can't find one song I didn't like.

This track, Spirits, was recorded live using a Line6 DL4 loop sampler and is simply amazing.

His new track is called Lady Luck, which is lifted from his forthcoming album Mirrorwriting.

Pew, Pew, Pew!

2011-03-15T22:09:00.000+11:00

I'm a late bloomer when it comes to the world of video games.

I've always had good intentions to pick up one of the many redundant consoles from the electronic graveyard in the corner of our living room (at last count, the PSOne, PSP and Wii are all sitting collecting dust to the left of my television).

But then something snapped. A revelation if you will.

I was fortunate enough to be given a PS3 and overnight have become a gaming junkie.

I find myself itching for another fix, thinking about my strategy to take over the next town while simultaneously eliminating as many baddies as possible (I'm playing Red Dead Redemption at the moment). Thoughts arise at inopportune moments and I'll need to stop and contemplate my next manoeuvre, even if it involves holding up the line at Coles.

Luckily, Sarah is understanding of my need to escape into this faux-reality and has confessed to actually enjoying watch as I create merry hell as a gun-toting, horse riding, tobacca-chewin' outlaw in a pair of chaps (not the arse-less variety).

But, while I'm amazed that I can sit on my lounge and wirelessly connect to my console, this new technology takes it to a whole new level!

1 In 7 Billion.

2011-03-10T19:37:00.000+11:00

National Geographic has conducted extensive research into what the typical person on planet earth looks like.

It's part of a "yearlong series examining the specific challenges and solutions we face as the worldwide population reaches 7 billion people in 2011."

7 BILLION!!!!

Why I'm A Fan of Jon Stewart.

2011-03-09T12:29:00.003+11:00

“It’s a ruling that proves just how committed our nation is to the First Amendment — that it applies even to the type of despicable, disgusting, fetid, shit-encrusted goatdicks like the Westboro Baptist Church, (members of which) would hold up signs like ‘God Hates Fags and Dead Soldiers’ at military funerals.

"By the way, Westboro Baptist ‘Church’ is no more a ‘church’ than Church’s Fried Chicken is a church. It’s really just one pustulent family spewing perverted religious doctrine from their herpetic, ass-like mouthholes who have somehow figured out how not to pay taxes.”

— Jon Stewart, reacting to the Supreme Court’s ruling that will allow the Westboro Baptist Church to continue their disgusting ways on The Daily Show.

Tiger Blood.

2011-03-08T07:20:00.000+11:00

I can't help but think we're watching Charlie Sheen have a massive public breakdown in a similar vein to Britney's a few years back.

That said, it was only a matter of time before his now famous quotes were set to music and autotuned.

Maybe it's time to send in Brit Brit's dad to help him...

Dre.

2011-02-27T14:55:00.000+11:00

In the time since Dr. Dre released his last album, 2001, in 1999, my entire life has changed.

I was a single guy living on the Gold Coast at the time, working for a bank in a job I hated.

In late 2000, I met my now wife Sarah. She convinced me that I should ditch my job and follow my dream of being on the radio. I did.

I was offered my first gig, which involved moving to Townsville (sight unseen) to take up a job as a breakfast announcer.

After nearly 3 years we decided to take a leap of faith and wound up scoring a job in Sydney.

The Edge came knocking and 5 years later I'm still doing a job I love.

In between that, we got married, got ourselves a few dogs (one of which is called Dre!) have explored the world (well, mainly the US) and now we have a daughter.

It's amazing how much life changes in a little over a decade.

Best Picture On The Internet

2011-02-27T09:34:00.001+11:00

This is from the "Some People Have Way To Much Time On Their Hands" file.

An internet boffin has gone and registered the domain TheBestPictureOnTheInternet.com and posted this pic.

I'm disappointed it doesn't include bacon or some lasers....

Growing Is Forever.

2011-02-22T20:24:00.003+11:00

This is 2:56 beautifully spent.

Growing Is Forever is a short film by Jesse Rosten, with words written and spoken by Kallie Markle.

Jesse writes, "I have a deep affection for the Redwood forests of Northern California. This is my best attempt to capture the reverence I feel when in the presence of these giants."

The music track is Window by The Album Leaf.

Amazing.

Happiness.

2011-02-22T20:07:00.001+11:00

Coca-Cola has started a new campaign called Happiness, with the idea being that you never know when or where it's going to strike next.

In this case, the Happiness Truck goes around delivering Coke and prizes to anyone who lines up to push the big red button at the back.

If you can put aside the fact that it's peddling a soft-drink, it's quite an ingenious viral campaign and really makes me want to slam down a can of the fizzy pop!

Anthem.

2011-02-16T18:25:00.000+11:00

Occasionally a song comes along that totally rocks your world for a couple of weeks.

You love it so sick that you don't care that it's been on repeat 243 times and you've heard it every hour, on the hour on the radio.

However, the time comes that you've loved it a little too sick and now you can't imagine listening to it all the way through again. It's now become one of those songs that you skip when it comes up on your iPod or if played on the wireless.

Then, about a year later, you're making the trek to your local mall. You've got your iPod on shuffle mode. The opening bars to this once anthemic, life changing track kicks in and suddenly you're transported back and remember just how good this song truly was.

You instantly put it back into your regular rotation.

This is that song for me at the moment.

Communiqué: Meet Martin.

2011-02-12T09:56:00.004+11:00

Artist impression of what Martin may or may not look like.

Having a Facebook page for listeners to interact with the station can provide moments of hilarity and, at times, complete bewilderment.

I'm yet to understand why someone would take the time to "like" the page and then launch an attack, but we always have a laugh when reading the comments.

Martin KFish Sada lists his favourite music as Eminem, Snoop Dogg and 50 Cent, says he likes The Twilight Saga and claims to "HATE IT when people speak their other language around you !"

He also names our show as one of his favourite things.

The following is a communiqué we received from Martin this week:

"why dont you suck each other off you wankers..
dont talk just play music.. you 2 are the most amateurish mc's
i have ever heard. you arent funny and you have nothing interesting to talk about.. your fact hunt game is ridicules!!
bunch of en... educated morons.. kyle and jackio shit all over you.."

Yes, we're the ones who are "en... educated."

Oh Martin, you're a tool!

Lady Gaga: Born This Way.

2011-02-11T21:33:00.000+11:00

Lady Gaga's new song Born This Way has finally been released after one of the biggest hype campaigns in recent memory!

Confession: I hated the Gaga to begin with, but over time have become a convert. I've really grown to appreciate her music and style.

That said, Born This Way sounds a little like Madonna's Express Yourself!Thoughts?

Dumbest. Criminal. Ever.

2011-02-10T18:43:00.004+11:00

People do a lot of really dumb things.

This one takes the cake (or the hash cookie in this case).

A Connecticut man called 911 to inquire about how much trouble he would get in if he was busted growing marijuana and admitted to planting a seedling.

Police immediately traced the call, went to his house and BUSTED HIM FOR GROWING MARIJUANA!!!

Apple Water.

2011-02-10T18:16:00.000+11:00

Hi, my name's Christo and I'm an Apple junkie.

I've been an addict since 2001 and it's been 1 year since my last purchase.

I have waaaaaay too many of their gadgets in my house.

In no particular order:

Macbook
iMac
iPod x 2
iPhone
Airport Express
iPad (coming soon)

Let's be honest, if they released Apple Water, it would be my drink of choice.

(via scoopertino)

Polite Robber.

2011-02-09T17:30:00.000+11:00

In light of the recent spate of robberies around Sydney, I want all potential criminals to watch this video and learn how to conduct yourself.

I always feel sorry for the poor worker who's gone to their job (which they probably hate, but do it to pay the bills) only to get smacked around by some nutter who's after the night's takings.

Even though he's now been arrested, this guy was pleasant during the entire "transaction" and even wished the shopkeep all the best!

Marketing Genius.

2011-02-09T17:11:00.000+11:00

Note to marketing people:

In the future can you please refrain from placing billboards promoting a movie about an out of control train in an actual train station.

It's not the best thing to see as one is waiting for the 4:17pm from Martin Place.

Although, I'm talking about it so the marketing obviously worked.

While you're at it, please don't promote plane crash movies at airports (I once watched World Trade Center on a flight to New York... not my smartest move).

The Best Of The Super Bowl XLV Commercials.

2011-02-07T15:03:00.002+11:00

One of the highlights of the Super Bowl (aside from the game and the halftime show) are the commercials that air in the US.

This year, a 30 second advertisement to air during the sporting event, which is watched by approximately 90 million people in the US alone, was approximately $2.7 million a spot!

I've compiled the best of the bunch, including celebrity endorsements from Eminem, Justin Bieber, Ozzy Osbourne, Diddy and Roseanne...

(BTW, is it just me or does the Super Bowl logo look a little phallic?)

Eminem has never given his name to a product and this year he's done it twice!

Eminem's other Super Bowl ad for Chrysler. It's not funny, but promotes Detroit.

Diddy's Mercedes Benz commercial.

Justin Bieber and Ozzy Osbourne team up for Best Buy.

BEP @ Super Bowl 45

2011-02-07T13:55:00.001+11:00

I'd hate to be a performer.

Within minutes of The Black Eyed Peas walking offstage at the half time show of Super Bowl XLV, critics started blasting their performance.

EW said the Peas "seemed to fall short during the halftime show," while the LA Times described Fergie's singing as "horrific caterwauling."

Mean.

While I'm not a huge fan of the BEP's latest stuff (Dirty Dancing, really?) there's no doubt this was an electric performance and one of the best on record.

The Return Of The Old Spice Guy.

2011-02-05T12:16:00.000+11:00

The Old Spice Guy rides again!

One of the best advertising campaigns in recent memory was The Man Your Man Could Smell Like, with Isaiah Mustafa repping Old Spice as they tried to rebrand themselves from being just a daggy deodorant for dads.

He disappeared for awhile, scored his own tv deal and now returns with a new ad called Scent Vacation and it's every bit as good as the first time around.

Tas Is The New QLD.

2011-02-05T00:40:00.000+11:00

Ummmmm.....

Josh Cilento stumbled across CNN's coverage of Cyclone Yasi and it's devastating effect on Queensland... if Queensland was about 5,000 klms north of where they had it on the map.

Maybe they were thinking of Cairns Bay in Tasmania, which is about 46klm southwest of Hobart?

Alexis Jordan's Honey Buns.

2011-02-04T15:21:00.002+11:00

The title makes it sound more salacious than it really is (sorry if I've disappointed you).

We had the chance to chat with Alexis Jordan, whose song Happiness is sitting on top of the charts
around the world.

During the chat, I brought up the subject of Honey Buns, as I'd noticed her talk about them on Twitter.

She described them as "kind of like a doughnut, but glazed in honey" and said she had an addiction to them.

Alexis also said that once her interviews had finished that she'd Twitter me a pic... and she did!!

"This Is What A Honey Bun Looks Like @
href="http://twitter.com/theedge96one" rel="nofollow">theedge96one and @christoradio!!" she wrote. "Yumm.. Eating In 5,4,3,2,1,NOW"

WTF? TJBMM: Mimic Octopus Edition

2011-02-04T15:11:00.001+11:00

Here's one from the 'What The F*ck? This Just Blew My Mind' file.

This sea creature is called the Mimic Octopus, it was discovered ten years ago off the coast of Indonesia and duplicates other species depending on the situation it finds itself in.

It is truly amazing.

There has to be superhero movie in this somewhere!

Death Star Volkswagon.

2011-02-03T21:57:00.000+11:00

I've never been a huge Star Wars fan (cue the Imperial March as hordes of followers dressed as Storm Troopers march me through a home made replica of the Death Star to meet an almost certain doom).

However, before they jam their $39.95 Hasbro toy Lightsaber into my throat (naturally it would have to be the red one), I can say that I do appreciate the movies (even The Phantom Menace) and have seen them all on several occasions.

Anyway, this ad for Volkswagon made me laugh...

How To Make A Viral Video.

2011-02-03T13:20:00.001+11:00

How to make a viral video.

Be on television.
Have an inappropriate slip of the tongue.
Watch video go viral.

I Just Had Sex.

2011-02-03T12:48:00.000+11:00

A website dedicated to exposing YouTube clips (funnily enough called You
sposure.com) claims there's a ghost in the music video for The Lonely Island and Akon's track I Just Had Sex.

Pay close attention to the top left hand corner at the 26 second mark and again at the 2:26.

Me thinks it may just be a reflection in the glass, however, who am I to stop a good conspiracy theory?

(BTW, they also discovered that Andy Samberg walks out of the ladies bathroom at 57 secs and there's a guy dressed as Batman in the crowd at 2:35!)

Yasi.

2011-02-03T04:25:00.000+11:00

Great to see that amongst the terrifying ordeal of facing potentially the worst cyclone this country's ever seen, that the folks in Cairns can have a good laugh.

This was taken by @Justin Pinner.

C.R.E.A.M.: Barbara Streisand Edition.

2011-02-02T19:38:00.000+11:00

I have a dream.

My dream is to own a house one day that's big enough to build a coffee shop in it.

Bear with me on this one.

Not just an espresso bar that sits in a kitchen or a giant novelty kettle, but an actual coffee shop similar to Central Perk in Friends.

I know it sounds ridiculous but it's something I've always wanted and would obviously be located in the room next to my home cinema complete with popcorn machine, big sign out the front displaying the movie and a ticketing booth.

I never said I have small, normal dreams.

Anyway, Barbara Streisand found herself in a unique predicament...

The Hollywood veteran had a bunch of items that needed storage, but didn't want to just box them up and throw them in her shed (assuming Babs actually has a shed).

So, she did what any megalomaniac would do and converted her basement into a street lined with shops displaying her stored items.

A F**KING STREET!!!

Michael Jackson Lives!

2011-02-02T14:34:00.001+11:00

Michael Jackson didn't die, he just underwent more cosmetic surgery and moved to Brazil to drive a cab!

Free Music.

2011-02-01T21:31:00.001+11:00

I love how a lot of artists are bypassing the record companies at the moment and just giving out music for free and two of my faves have released mixtapes over the past couple of months.

Nicki Minaj, arguably one of the greatest MCs around at the moment, dropped a free download called Material Girl just prior to her official album's release late last year.

That can be downloaded here.

Meanwhile, The Game has put out a 29 track mixtape called Purp and Patron and then backed it up a week later with the follow up, Purp and Patron: The Hangover.

Grab the first one here and the sequel here (thanks to Daniel-John on FB for the heads up on these).

Don't say I never give you anything ;)

Hot Hot Hot.

2011-02-01T19:29:00.002+11:00

A friend of mine took this snapshot from his phone today showing just how hot it got in the Sydney CBD.

I live in an old Sydney worker's cottage that was built in the 1890s and has no ventilation, let alone air conditioning.

It's so warm that my pedestal fan has even worked up a sweat pushing warm air around the room.

I'm thinking of buying a portable pool, sit it in the middle of my lounge room, fill it with ice water and just chill out with a cheeky pina-colada.

Who's with me (this will help me pick the right sized pool)?

In the immortal words of the Wicked Witch, "I'm meeeelllllllttttttttiiiinnnnnnggggggg."

The Health Kick.

2011-02-01T18:18:00.002+11:00

I'm on a "health kick" at the moment. It's an awful phrase. I hate to even put it out there because it builds an expectation.

"How's your health kick going?" people ask. "How much weight have you dropped?"

"Oh... you know, it's not about the actual weight loss," I deflect. "It's more of a conscious effort to try and get fit. I've dropped a quarter of a pant size so far."

"How long have you been doing it?" they reply.

Awkward silence...

"Oh look over there, it's a dog with a puffy tail!!"

Whenever I refer to my "health kick" I feel the need to justify it by putting it in "inverted comma's" because although I really do try and I have the greatest of intentions, I'm inherently lazy and am often swayed by the chocolate devil (and the pizza one, too).

Aside from the obvious health benefits, it's really hard to diet. Dieting is the multitude of organisations pushing us to drop kilos with everything from diet shakes to ice packs that "visibly reduce weigh within minutes."

It's all marketing B.S..

According to Michelle Bridges from The Biggest Loser, it all comes down to energy in (what food goes into your body) and energy out (the amount of movement you do in a day).

Bad food + no movement = weight gain.

Good food + regular exercise = weight loss.

Choice have also weighed in (pardon the pun) and released a dietary myth-busting press release that has become my new eating mantra:

Eating a big meal at night causes weight gain

Bottom line: It's what you eat and how much that matters, not when.

Carbohydrates are fattening

Bottom line: Carbohydrates are important in a balanced diet: fruit, vegetables and wholegrain are nutritioussources.

Fat is bad

Bottom line: Cutting down on saturated and trans fats, and including small amounts of good fats, provides valuablenutrients, satiety and enjoyment of food.

Celery has 'negative calories' because it requires more energy to digest than it contains

Bottom line: There are no magic weight loss foods or drinks.

Cut out all treats: they are just empty calories

Bottom line: Occasionally eating small amounts of your favorite treats gives you an important psychologicaladvantage in weight control.

Speak To Tweet.

2011-02-01T17:49:00.003+11:00

Google bought a company last week called Say Now, a website where essentially celebrities and their fans can interact via voice messaging.

What an ingenious idea (please pronounce with a tinge of sarcasm in your voice).

But.....

What appeared to be just another social media site to add to the pile (because we needed anoth
er one) has now become an invaluable news source, in the wake of the Egyptian protests.

Residents of the country can leave voicemail messages on a specially designated phone number that Google, Twitter and Say Now have set up, essentially bypassing the Mubarak government's internet and mobile phone blackout and being dispatched to the world via Twitter.

President Hosni Mubarak has ruled Egypt for nearly 30 years, but a planned "march of millions" is calling for his resignation.

"We hope that this will go some way to helping people in Egypt stay connected at this very difficult time," the head of Say Now said of their initiative. "Our thoughts are with everyone there."

Here's one of the voicemails describing the scene.

Also, it's good to know they listen to B.o.B in Egypt.

I have visions of some smart-ass kid in Blacktown ringing the number and saying this one...

January Fail.

2011-02-01T09:46:00.000+11:00

It always amazes me why people film themselves doing dumb things.

I guess invariably you'll capture a golden moment that will wind up on a YouTube compilation of the greatest fails of the month.

This is January's offering.

The Bellybutton.

2011-02-01T08:15:00.001+11:00

Have you ever wanted to know what was living inside of your bellybutton?

Me neither, but a bunch of scientists from North Carolina State University want to discover what creatures and bacteria make our bodies their home.

Ewww...

When asked why they're investigating the umbilicus, they responded, "Because no one volunteers when we ask for armpit samples. Because our belly buttons are relatively isolated, a place where microbes are safe. Because everybody has one, its what once connected us to our past. Yet, we barely notice it in our daily lives, to the point that few people actually wash theirs. Which is great for the bacteria!"

Ewww x 2.

Here's one example of a bacteria that lives in our stomach hole and you can read more about their research here.

... And You Will Know Me By My Toilet Paper Habits.

2011-01-31T13:04:00.001+11:00

With the average person spending the equivalent of 92 days on the toilet during their lifetime, this guide helps to better understand your personaility by reading into your toilet paper habits.

What Is The Internet?

2011-01-30T16:45:00.003+11:00

This clip is lifted from a January 1994 episode of the US Today Show, during a discussion about a new computer world known as the "internet".

Kind of ironic that 17 years later that same piece has been seen by hundreds of thousands of people all over the world courtesy of this magical online world!

There's a great quote from Homer Simpson that sums it all up; "The information superhighway showed the average person what some nerd thinks about Star Trek."

However, it got me thinking...

What did we do before the world wide web was around?

NYC Obsessed.

2011-01-30T09:43:00.000+11:00

I have a love affair with New York that's bordering on the obsessive.

Anyone that's been there can tell you it's an addictive city and I would go back there in a heartbeat if it wasn't for stupid life responsibilities (and a shortage of cash money)!

Josh Owens is a photographer going under the name of Mindrelic. He shot this amazing time lapse of NYC at its best.

Privacy Protection.

2011-01-28T17:50:00.002+11:00

Privacy is once of the biggest issues when it comes to having an online life.

Have you ever taken the time to actually read the privacy policy when inputting your details into a website?

Me neither, but I might start.

Some site owners take our indifference as an authority to install cookies, which means they can mine your data and online habits to sell to marketing companies.

Selectout has put together this handy dandy graph comprising of info obtained from the top 1000 websites' privacy policies.

Click to enlarge.

via mashable.

Juice: The Flood Levy.

2011-01-27T22:47:00.000+11:00

With so much hype surrounding the government's new flood levy, the question has to be asked, how much of the hype is simply political point scoring and what's it going to cost us?

Here's the juice...

It DOESN'T apply to low income earners who pull in less than $50,000 a year.
For the average household, it won't cost much more than a cup of coffee a week (think about how much you spend on takeaway food every week).
The more you earn the more you pay, however, even someone earning over $250,000 a year is only up for $25 a week.
The levy (Gillard should have flowered it up and called it the Flood Recovery Package), is to help rebuild infrastructure destroyed by the floods, not the individual households (that's what the Premier's Flood Appeal is for).

Ultimately, the flood crisis will have an effect on all of us, from the price of fruit and vegetables, to the lack of product on our store shelves because trucks can't get through.

We're helping OUR nation, get back on it's feet.

That said, it's also time to review our disaster relief plan, so the government has money to help out and not panic about their bottom line next time we're a nation in need.

Sydney Time Lapse.

2011-01-27T19:17:00.002+11:00

A group of us spent Australia Day in the Botanical Gardens overlooking Sydney Harbour.

I know it sounds clichéd, but Sydney really is one of the best cities in the world and one of the most picturesque.

This is a time lapse video taken on New Years Eve 2010 just prior to the sunset, going right through to the first morning of 2011.

Akon Interview.

2011-01-24T21:59:00.002+11:00

It's always interesting to speak with someone who's been so successful at their craft and Akon certainly ranks up there in the music biz.

The list of artists he's worked with is endless and he's responsible for discovering and ultimately unleashing Lady Gaga on the world (and making a bucket load from it I'm sure).

He shared one of his tricks to staying at the forefront of the music biz and that is to write a song everyday. 365 days a year!

That's commitment!

Kelly Rowland Interview.

2010-10-25T23:19:00.000+11:00

I've had the pleasure of speaking to Kelly Rowland on a number of occasions and she's one of the nicest celebs to interview!

It's great when a star is engaged in the chat, gives great answers and is able to have a laugh at the same time.

She also revealed (in an earlier chat we had) that she still flies economy in the US because she doesn't want to waste the money!

Part two after the jump.

Evolution Of Music.

2010-09-08T10:46:00.002+10:00

You laugh because it's true.

FB Alert.

2010-09-05T21:48:00.003+10:00

Facebook's going to kill us all!!

The American.

2010-09-01T18:36:00.001+10:00

I love a good movie review.

It's not because I genuinely want a strangers insight into their thoughts on the latest cinema fare, but because I love reading how much B.S. someone can squeeze into their allotted column space.

Take Kenneth Turan, film critic for the Los Angeles Times, and his summation of the latest George Clooney flick The American:

"The American is an exercise in style and withheld sentiment, a bleak and atmospheric art-house thriller that's more of an aesthetic experience than an emotional one. If Robert Bresson, the austere French minimalist, had directed a James Bond film, it might have turned out like this."

Here's the message that I believe Mr. Turan was actually trying to convey in the opening paragraph:

"Please don't question my cinema expertise. I watch the big screen blockbusters and frequent the seedy, dimly lit theatres all in the name of my craft. I'd also like to show off my knowledge by name dropping some of the directorial greats, Martin Scorcese, and reference their style... even if I had to look it up on Wikipedia, Woody Allen. Additionally, I'll reference a Bond flick just to show you that I have range too. Acknowledge me.. acknowledge me!!!"

The problem with most movie critics is that they concentrate too much on their reputation and how they're perceived amongst their fellow scribes, rather than focusing on whether Joe The Plumber are actually going to like a film or not.

I'd like to skip past the rest of review and land right on the final paragraph:

"For while many of its elements whet our appetite and make the film well worth seeing, 'The American' doesn't manage to deliver a fully satisfying meal. It's against the film's religion to have us believe too deeply in its characters, and that agnosticism, combined with the plot's sense of predestination, put a noticeable crimp in its grand ambitions."

Really?

For those that haven't w*nked off into a thesaurus lately, Mr. Turan is basically saying that the movie is ok, but not the fantastic cinematic experience he wanted it to be.

Maybe he needs to apply a golden rule that we're constantly taught in the radio world...

Less is more.

Justin Bieber Interview.

2010-08-30T17:20:00.000+10:00

Before he shut down shopping centres and before he cancelled his Sydney Harbour gig due to overcrowding, Katie and I got the chance to have a phoner with Justin Bieber.

This was recorded just prior to Baby taking off and before anyone knew he would become a worldwide sensation.

I think he's probably had a lot of media training since this interview (and he's obviously matured a little too....).

Communiqué

2010-08-29T19:56:00.002+10:00

The internet is a fantastic place.

It’s also home to a bunch of seemingly faceless haters.

I was lucky enough to receive this message on a YouTube clip we posted of me shaving my legs for radio (I happened to sound off about my co-host and her lack of shaving effort during the winter months - my bad!):

“mate ur a fagget for shavinjg ur legs , wat u gonna do nxt , wear a dress nd suk off ppl?

Fair enough. Here’s my thoughts:

1. Smart move leaving a message like this when you have a YouTube account Under their ‘Community Guidelines’ (of which you agreed when you signed up) it says, “We encourage free speech and defend everyone’s right to express unpopular points of view. But we don’t permit hate speech (speech which attacks or demeans a group based on race or ethnic origin, religion, disability, gender, age, sexual orientation/gender identity, or their status as a returned soldier).” I think your delightful prose might fall into that category.

2. Your spelling is appalling (or as you would’ve put it - ur spelin is a paul in).

3. Judging by the comment that you posted, I think my video hit a little too close to home.

4. Looking at your Facebook page, you write under political views, “Throw the jew down the well.” Huh?

5. Homophobia is so 1994. Get over it.

I'm Here.

2010-08-12T21:33:00.002+10:00

Filmmaker Spike Jonze has written and directed a short film for Absolut called I'm Here.

It stars Andrew Garfield, who's recently been cast as the next generation Spider-Man and Sienna Guillory as two robots who fall in love.

Watch the full feature here but hurry as there's only limited spaces daily.

Audi Wi-Fi.

2010-08-11T21:18:00.002+10:00

The new 2010 Audi 2010 A8 sedan is the first ever car to feature a factory-installed wi-fi mobile hotspot that can support up to 8 devices, including smartphones, digicams, laptops, tablets, and portable gaming consoles.

From C-Net:
"I believe today's consumers want the convenience of seamless connectivity and live content whenever and wherever they choose--whether in the home, office, classroom or automobile...finally, the car is connected to the rest of our lives," said Weili Dai, Marvell co-founder and vice president and general manager of the consumer and computing business unit.

Can you get pulled over for Skyping someone from a laptop?

Facebook.

2010-08-06T06:38:00.002+10:00

An ad agency in Sau Paulo have created some retro posters for modern-day social media like Facebook.

"Share abundantly your photographs, experiences and stories with your friends and family. For leasure or labor, Facebook is the enchantment "next look" in social team ups.

Eloquent economical and modern examples of communication adequate for our times."

Genius. Pure Genius.

2010-07-19T20:08:00.001+10:00

Are you ever concerned that you'll walk into a pole, smashing your nose into your olfactory mucosa, while attempting to walk and text?

Me neither.

However, it must happen lots because someone has developed an app that uses a phone's video capabilities to display items in the distance under your current message.

Genius.

At the moment it's only out on Android, but it won't be long before it comes to the iPhone (at a price).

Pregnant Husband: Licking The Bowl.

2010-07-11T00:51:00.004+10:00

With impending fatherhood approaching faster than you can say "sh*tty nappy," I'm starting to take stock of my life now and what it will be like after mid-November when Talluhla arrives (we're not sure if we are having a boy or a girl, it's just a name we've given to our unborn sprog to scare the bejeebus out of our parents).

It only dawned on me while Sarah was making a batch of crack cookies (honestly, I think she added crack to the mixture) that I will lose the right to clean out the bowl and lick the beaters of any sweet delights!

This is devastating considering for the last 30... something years, I've had a right of passage to the delicious offerings remaining from the baking of treats, but come baby birth, our kid will take over that much coveted, enviable role.

I could pull the "I pay for the roof over your head and put food on your plate card," but I don't feel that's entirely appropriate, because one of life's great joys is the wiping of digits around a giant bowl of pre-made chocolate cake, or the sashaying of one's tongue around a beater of cookie dough.

That's an imperative part of growing up and an experience every kid loves.

So, I have approximately 18 months to lap-up the remnants of any baking delights that my wife chooses to ~~fatten me up with~~ bake, but once junior is of the age where they take over the mantle, he/she had better be watching over their shoulder, because if they snooze, they lose!

Heath Ledger's Five Leaves Cafe.

2010-05-21T08:29:00.001+10:00

Took a short train ride to Greenpoint, Brooklyn, to have breakfast at Heath Ledger's cafe called Five Leaves today.

From The New York Times:

"The original idea of a coffee shop morphed into a plan for an Australian-meets-American restaurant-bar that would serve local and organic fare."

The cafe was started by Heath and is now run by his friends Scott Campbell and Jud Mongel, with the finances being handled by Ledger's dad Kim.

We had breakfast there and it was delicious!

Vego.

2010-05-21T08:20:00.001+10:00

I'm a vegetarian so this appealed me.

The graffiti at the top of this building in Brooklyn reads:

"Stop Consuming Animals."

Tehehehe.

2010-05-19T02:45:00.001+10:00

Some may say my sense of humour is a little childish, but I still found this funny.

I have a new goal.

To open up a bunch of stores in the US comprised of words that would make Australian's giggle...

Like a salad bar where you can make your own salads and call it Tosser.

I know it's childish...

Eyjafjallajökul.

2010-05-19T02:36:00.001+10:00

Cinematographer Sean Stiegemeier filmed this time lapse video of the Icelandic volvano at Eyjafjallajökul on May 1st and 2nd.

Grand.

2010-05-17T12:23:00.000+10:00

Took a Sunday stroll through Grand Central Station today and came to the realisation that no one constructs buildings like this anymore.

The entire place is made of marble, the level of detail that went into the construction is just amazing and the place is just... grand.

That's probably how it got it's name.

Nowdays, it would be slapped together in under a year and be made of balsa wood and Selley's No More Gaps.

Grand.

nyc.

2010-05-16T14:48:00.000+10:00

I snapped this pic on my iPhone while standing on our balcony as the sun set over the city.

Beautiful.

American Adventures: The Wad.

2010-05-13T11:52:00.004+10:00

While searching for a dining establishment around our hood in NYC, we stumbled across a place called Sarge's that's been around since 1964.

After ordering a classy dinner of an American cheddar cheese sandwich (Sarah had an egg sandwich, which she picked from the small menu selection to the right) along with a potato pancake with apple sauce (wtf?), we sat next to what can only be described as a wad of a human being.

The ~~gentleman~~ wad was sitting to my right and proceeded to eat like he had never had a sniff of food in his life, which was good because judging by the snorting sounds emitted from his table, he either had severe sinus problems or thought he could inhale the mountain of food placed before him.

What shocked us more than the inhalation cacophony (and that in itself was almost enough to put us off our butter drenched food), was the belching that proceeded every sip of his over sized Coke.

Now, it's not that the burping was loud... it was the frequency and ferociousness of it.

It was so intense that it stopped our conversation on a number of occasions (out of shock) and that we needed to wipe away his burp-spray from our collective cheeks.

That last bit was a lie, but I'm sure if it had been propelled from his overstuffed mouth then it would have struck our faces... either that or it would have been the turkey he was shoveling in.

C.R.E.A.M. (Part 2)

2010-05-01T16:22:00.001+10:00

This is Boot Jack Ranch.

Located in South West Colorado, the property just sold for $US46.5 million dollars making it the most expensive residential purchase in the United States this year.

Here are the stats:

3,000 acres
Comfortably houses 50 guests.
6 lakes
Olympic-sized pool
14,000 square-foot home
Library
Fitness room
1,500 bottle wine cellar.
7 fire places

It's considered a bargain because two years ago it was listed at $88 million.

Check out more pics here.

C.R.E.A.M.

2010-04-28T21:42:00.001+10:00

TMZ has gotten their hands on a pic of Celine Dion's house on Jupiter Island (read: Money Bags Island).

It has a waterslide and is worth a cool $20 million.

Aaaannnnd depression spiral starts.... NOW!

U3X.

2010-04-11T09:54:00.001+10:00

I'm one of those people that looks at a person riding a Segway and think, "Cool, I want one of those," whereas alot of people think, "Douche, I can't believe you bought one of those."

Anyway, Honda is trialling a new product called the U3X that works by reading your body's movements and looks like something from the future (sidenote: we are almost at the year that was "the future" in the movie Back To The Future... the freaks me out).

I want one and I'm totally happy to be a douche.

Rihanna Interview.

2010-02-15T08:44:00.002+11:00

Rihanna visited Australia in February to promote her latest album Rated R and I was lucky enough to score some time with her.

britney's (media) circus.

2009-11-12T16:45:00.000+11:00

I think Britney Spears needs to rename her current 'Circus' tour to the 'Australian Media Circus' tour.

Here's an artist who has bucked the trend of the GFC and decided to put our country on her touring schedule (helloooo Madonna!), only to face a barrage of criticism over the fact that she lip-syncs.

Pardon me for asking, but did we just hop in our Delorean, fire up the Flux Capacitor and travel back to 1990 when this type of behaviour was actually considered scandalous (helloooo Milli Vanilli!)?

Obviously, considering the daily Britney Watch that our national newspapers seem to be conducting, the war must be finished, our troops are home, there's no crisis in Darfur, world hunger has been eradicated, the financial crisis is over and climate change has been reversed? Surely there's no other reason why inches and inches of newspaper space is being dedicated to Britney-gate?

If we're going to get upset by Ms. Spears' lip-syncing scandal, then we must naturally unleash our unified outrage at any band from this point forward that uses pre-recorded instruments, sound effects or noises while performing live, as this too constitutes a form of audience trickery.

The NSW government is going as far as to suggest there should be warning labels on tickets and posters about possible miming at concerts.

Please Note:

Some/all vocals in tonight's show may be lip-synced.
In the opening song, the blippy noise followed by a whirring buzzery type sound effect, heard from the 1:28 mark through to 2:15, has also been pre-recorded. Please see the box office for a full refund.

The warning sign would be longer than Tolstoy's War & Peace (and a lot less interesting).

Additionally, if we're frustrated by this, then naturally the next stage is to vent our rage at the video monitors and ask, is it right that an artist uses pre-taped visuals in their concert productions? Particularly when the video shows any form of backup dancers? Would that be feet-syncing?

And what about music videos in general? Are we going to demand that artists record their vocals live on those now?

To take it one step further, most movies and television programs require that actors over-dub their original vocals in post production to ensure every line can be heard, as audio on-set can often be interrupted by miscellaneous noises. Oops, I may have inadvertently started another scandal.

It's more than likely that the whole Britney-Lip-Sync-Gate started when a journalist was denied free tickets by the promoter, and is therefore pissed off and attempting to take the show down one bad review and unverified, unnamed concert-goer at a time.

The only thing to be taken down is the number of stars that will visit our shores due to the treatment they're likely to encounter from the media.... and any form of journalistic integrity.

an ending.

2009-11-09T17:25:00.002+11:00

Hi there,

This hasn't been an easy decision to make and it's been a long time coming.

I kept telling myself that there was a future for us, but, after weeks of soul searching, I've come to the conclusion that there simply isn't and things can't continue this way.

We've had some great times together but lately things have changed and it seems that no matter what I do, I can't please you. It's all become too hard and I just don't have the stamina to continue down the same path again, after all, we've been here before.

I know what you'll say, "We'll work past this, let's start afresh, I'll make more of an effort this time." But seriously, are we just kidding ourselves? How many times do we need to go over the same ground, doing the same thing where we only wind up in the exact same place anyway, with me feeling like I've done something wrong and you pretending like nothing's happened.

That is why I've made this decision. Please don't think that this was an easy one to make, but I want to be honest with you. We owe each other that much after all of this time.

So, I guess there's no easy way of telling you this....

I've fallen in love with KFC's mashies. There, I said it.

I know it's not right Excerise, but I just couldn't help myself. It was late one night, you were out, the advertisement came on the tv and it just happened.

It's only been a handful of times, but the guilt was too overwhelming and I needed to tell you. Everytime we passed the store, I'd feel sick at the thought of what I've done to you... to us.

I'm really sorry you had to find out this way, but I believe it's for the best. I've realised I need to live a life where I can eat cheeseburgers at 3:00am without care, or skull an icy cold can of Coke without thinking, "Oh, I'll need to go harder on the treadmill tomorrow," and I need to not feel guilty about sneaking that extra piece of chocolate left sitting in the fridge at the end of an evening.

Basically, I need to be me for a while.

I can't keep pretending that I deep down I'm not lazy, or slightly chubby or simply content to spend a Saturday consuming junk food while watching endless repeats of Friends. It's just who I am.

If we were being honest, we both knew this day would come and we were kidding ourselves to think that it wouldn't.

Love
me
xxoo

PS. We'll always have the park.

i may have found my calling.

2009-11-02T17:10:00.011+11:00

I've noticed a significant shift in my personality over the past couple of weeks.

At first I put it down to going back to breakfast radio after a 12-month absence, and the ugly o'clock early hours it entails. But alas, that's not it.

Then I thought it might be our somewhat hectic social life, and the fact that trying to catch up with friends and do things all the time can be time-consuming (but always
fun).

Then it dawned on me. The answer has been right in front of me, literally, for several weeks now.

I think I want to be a professional tennis player.

Sure, it sounds like an obscure thing to announce considering I've never really set foot on a tennis court, and any actual skills I have to play the game are completely non-existent. However, courtesy of my newly purchased Wii, I am now one step away from fulfilling my life's calling.

Since buying the tennis game, which involves me standing in the one spot flailing my arms like a madman at the television to hit an imaginary ball coming at me from the other side of the computer-generated court, I've been on a mission to reach 1000 points, which is, to turn pro.

In my vein attempt to reach this critical point in my life, I've become the John McEnroe of my lounge room, with profanity circulating daily that would make an army soldier blush (side note: do army personnel actually swear that much?).

If the ball is out, it's not uncommon for passers by to hear "Get f#*ked you %^#$, that was f$%*ing in!" resonating from our four walls.

And, look out if my fellow computer-operated player loses our team a point, because I suddenly transform into a racist, sexist, foul-mouthed, bigotted a**hole. My neighbours must think I suffer from severe tourettes. Either that or they think I'm a racist, sexist, foul-mouthed, bigotted a**hole.

I've also determined that I have the potential to be the next Andre Agassi - mullet wig and crystal meth drug addiction aside.

It would be so amazing to extend my new-found Wii tennis skills into a full-blown career on the pro-circuit, touring the world and potentially earning millions of dollars.

However, I feel that my dream may be dashed the second that I step onto a real court and discover that, well, I have no real skills to speak of, and furthermore, I can't get away with calling a real-life person one of the fruity names that I scream out in the privacy of my lounge room...

I think I'll maintain my amateur status for now.

ultimate mag - november.

2009-11-02T17:09:00.001+11:00

The November issue of Ultimate is out now and contains my article on the new Michael Jackson movie/album This Is It. Pick up a free (yes I said free!) copy from any Sanity, Virgin Music or HMV store around the country.